2013 - My year, My random favourites, My resolutions, My life

So we come to the end of 2013, and without sounding like a massive cheesy, cliche of a girl - which I no doubt will - where the fuck on earth has this year gone? It's been a bit of a mixed bag for me, getting all 'Ronan Keeting' on your arses, a bit of a rollercoaster. As 'trying not to bore the life out of you in my blog posts' is one of my new years resolutions - along with cutting down on swearing not gonna happen, eating more healthily and doing at least one form of exercise every so often definitely not gonna happen #Beast and finding the time to blog more often Miracles do happen right? - I won't go too in detail of my year, so I thought I'd post a few highlights, a few highs. So, putting on my best Dermot O'Leary voice - the Elle next door, here are your best bits...

The Work Recap - Anyone that follows my blog will know that I work in TV, and I absolutely love it...despite moaning about how many hours I work - which to be fair is quite a lot, I mean 18hour days...Ohhh bore off Elle! - and stress that you receive along the way. In January I got a job on 'the only way is essex'. I was never a fan of the show per say (love a bit of diplomacy in case the ole bosses are watching ;) ) however it is a huge production, takes a ridiculous amount of hard work and actually is a great show to have on your CV. Also a lot of fun at times! I, in all honesty, expected to be there for a series. 1 year, 3 series and a couple of steps up the ladder later and here I am, still 'reppin Essex' (please, please, feel free to punch me in the face for using that phrase!) I did expect stress and hell-ish hours when I accepted the job. I didn't expect to find some of my closest friends and colleagues along the way. Oh, and also my other half :) so I am very grateful to 'the only way is Essex' which is a sentence that at the beginning of 2013, I never ever thought I'd say!

The Beauty Recap - Now that I've bored you all over 2013's work history, I thought I'd better get onto what makes us all happy. Beauty. I am still - and probably will forever be - a neutral, smokey eye and nude/pink lips lover. It's what suits me - well, I think it suits me, feel free to point out if I look like a bit of a clown!) - and I'm a massive creature of habit. After all, it's totally acceptable to have 30 pink lipsticks, which are obviously all unique and not at all the same as the one you bought 2 days ago! Here's a quick list of favourites that you can skip through if you're dying of boredom from my random waffling! 

Makeup Favourites:-
Foundation: Nars Sheer Glow Fiji

Concealer: Collection Lasting finish Number 3

Bronzer: Nars Laguna/Chanel Soleil de tan (100% sure I've spelt that wrong. 100% too lazy to go and check)

Eyeshadow: Now this is a bloody toughy. I'm totally going to cheat and say Mac Woodwinked, All that glitters, Patina and Satin Taupe. And the whole naked 1 and 3 Palette. (I wasn't joking when I said I was a neutrals girl was I?)

Eyeliner: Loreal Superliner/Loreal Superliner Slim for a winged liner. Rimmel Scandaleyes kohl for waterline

Blusher: Another toughy - #FirstWorldProblems - I'd say Accesorize Sensation (don't know it til you've tried it) Mac Well Dressed or Melba.

Lipstick: Mac Angel. My one true love! Followed very closely by Rimmel Kate Moss Matte 101

Hair Favourites:-

Tool: Without a doubt, the Enrapture totem styler. Review here

Shampoo/Conditioner: High end - Morrocan Oil Volume, Low end - Aussie's Shine range

Treatment: Macadamia oil Deep repair masque

Oil: Macadamia or Moroccan Oil.

Now, Fashion favourites would be a hard one as I tend to change up what I wear all the time (sorry purse) so I thought I'd post a couple of random OOTD's from this year. Which also leads to my resolutions...

Resolution Number 1 - Try and make at least one outfit post without pulling a "I'm trying to look natural, look down to the left pose" Jesus christ I like to pull that pose a lot don't I? There is obviously always a lot going on on the floor to my left!

2 - Try to eat at least a little bit healthily and exercise at least once a week. Yes I did say once a week, yes that is pathetic and no it wasn't a typo. It's time to be realistic with my resolutions and once a week, quite frankly - and rather embarrassingly - will be a miracle as it is.

3 - More of a personal one for my last resolution - yep, I'm considering your poor souls and ending it here so you don't die of boredom Haaaalelujah - For 2014, I really want to stress less. I am the world's biggest over thinker, every decision in life is a life or death situation (Tiramisu or Apple crumble, Tiramisu or Apple crumble...) but no, all jokes aside, after a really stressful passed 2 years, I want to be laid back and relaxed in 2014. Worry about things if I need to. Make a decision and don't ponder over it for weeks. You get the jist...

4 - To be happy! (...and yes I sneaked a final resolution in)

And that's it for 2013. For anyone that has got to the end of this post, you are the true definition of 'patience is a virtue' (and a massive congratulations, I'd have given up a long time ago :) ) Thank you to every single one of you that reads my blog, or has ever even read one of my blog posts. I am so grateful and appreciate every single one of you! 

Happy New Year, I hope it's your best yet!

Cheers to 2014. I look forward to sharing it with you :)
Lots of love, Elle xx

Christmas favourites...and a Merry Christmas from the Elle next door!

As I'm sitting here slobbing out on the sofa, with hot chocolate and mince pies (gluten free obviously, I highly recommend Udi's if anyone's interested) with gale force winds and torrential rain outside which kindly put paid to my outfit picture plans, fuckers... I knew I'd have to rethink my post for today.
(FYI: I actually started writing this post on Monday - and didn't get round to finishing it, standard Elle -  in case anyone wonders if I've gone loony and invented some storms in London)

Anyone even slightly interested in the beauty world - unless they've been living under a rock - will know that we are about to be inundated with 2013 favourites blog posts and Youtube video's. So I thought I'd go against the grain/not even try to compete with people that will have 1000x better pictures, products etc. and do a Christmas time favourites. We all have certain products that get pulled out of the bag around the festive period, so I thought I'd share some of mine which I'm loving right now.
Christmas nails - Barry M Lychee and Maybelline brocades Knitted Gold, love! - Hourglass Ambient lighting powder in Dim Light - Jo Malone Pine and Eucalyptus candle. 
Origins Intense Overnight mask - No 7 Luxurious foaming shower oil - Melvita Ultra nourishing body balm - Tom Ford Black Orchid perfume and body lotion. The ultimate sexy, musky fragrance!

Indulgent, bordering on sickly sweet Hot chocolate - My gorgeous little godson - Beautiful Christmas tree - Gluten free Mince Pies

...and lastly I'd just like to say, I hope you're all having the loveliest of Christmas' with the people most important to you. Thank you to anyone and everyone who checks out my blog, I love and appreciate you all!

And finally, a message to my boyfriend that I think every beauty blogger will appreciate...

Merry Christmas!


REVIEW: Melvita Ultra Nourishing Body Balm. My new skincare saviour!

Talk to me about facial skincare and, well, basically you'll regret even starting the conversation. Serums, cleansers, moisturisers (might as well just list all skincare items in the world love) I could bore the life out of you for hours on all my favourites. Get me talking about all the items I want to try? Well, that will be your week taken up then. Body care, however - body care? doesn't quite sound right does it? skincare for your body, you know what I mean... - not so much.

Don't get me wrong, Laura Mercier's body souffle, Kiehls Creme de Korps, Origins ginger soufflé - and many many more) etc.- are part of my never ending list of products I long to try, but when you've got the body shop body butters in every single fragrance - no exaggeration - and then some... the thriftiness/tight arse-ness/'laziness to apply moisturiser at the best of times' in me just doesn't allow me to open my purse and purchase. (Wish it would bloody do that when it comes to make up...) That habit however will probably change after this little gem entered my life. Ladies, gents, skin care lovers... Enter your new favourite body balm. 

Well, my favourite body balm that I'm gonna rave the arse off of and if you've got will power resembling my own, you'll will cave and buy it :) 
Melvita Apicosma Body Ultra Nourishing body balm*. Not only does it win the award for the longest name for a product in the history of all products...but also wins the crown for my favourite Body balm this month. And next no doubt. Unless a certain someone reads this post and buys me Laura Mercier's multiple Souffle body crème gift set. Just saying.... #HintOfTheYear

Packed full of butters and oils and based around a blend of 3 organic honeys (Thyme, Acacia and Orange blossom.) this body balm targets dry to extra dry skin and it completely delivers on this front. I don't have the driest of skin but I have noticed the common winter/pain in the arse dry patches rearing their head so this was sent to me at the perfect time. I've used this myself on said dry patches as well as all over and also on a particularly scaly, dragon like dry skinned friend of mine and it has worked absolute wonders for both of us!

What I loved most about this though was that although it was extremely moisturising, it's also really light and sinks into the skin well (providing you don't pour it on by the bucket load. We've all been there!). I am a self-confessed lazy body moisturiser. The thought of slathering on something thick and greasy after a nice refreshing bath is my idea of hell (I know, #firstworldproblems) but I genuinely look forward to putting this lovely little - well, it's actually not little at all, you get a whopping 150ml for your bucks - body balm on every night. (Does that make me ridiculously sad? I think it does doesn't it. Sad Beauty blogger times! ;)

So, to conclude - conclusions always bring me right back to my English lessons days, just me? ...just me then! - the Melvita Nourishing Body Balm in short snappy points, which is something that I find utterly impossible to stick to in any post....
  • Extremely nourishing and amazing for even the driest of skin
  • Although thick and creamy, the balm sinks in like a dream and isn't the slightest bit greasy
  • The Smell - which I never really touched upon - is actually pretty subtle considering the amount of honey and natural ingredients that make up the balm. A subtle honey, sweet scent that won't have people running in the opposite direction to you. But may have you running to kitchen for a sweet treat fix. Never a bad thing in my books ;)
You can find the Melvita brand in many shops in the UK - John Lewis, Whole Foods and The Garden Pharmacy etc. as well as online. It does retail at the pricier end of what I would pay for a moisturiser, at £23 but as I mentioned above - it is ridiculously luxurious, you do get a generous amount and it also takes the tiniest of product to spread and cover your body. Good value for money in my opinion. And that is coming from Primark's and Poundland's biggest fan, so that's saying something :)

 What are your favourite body products at the moment? Any must-have's, Christmas edition's that I need to try? Let me know and I will have a good body care indulgence. All in the name of research, obviously!
Hope you enjoyed this post and are having a lovely Christmas time guys. As always, thank you so much for reading!

Life Lately - #1

There's a couple of reasons why I struggled to start off this post. The first being that I am currently writing it after consistently working a minimum of 16 hours days at work - oh ffs, here she goes, moaning again! - and therefore am so tired it's a miracle I can string two words together. The second being that I am also in a food/wine coma after a lazy day off Chinese buffet (classy) and a lambrini wine fest. (even classier)

But 'moany bitch' and massive 'slob-ness' aside, the point of this post - to which obviously takes paragraphs, many unfunny jokes and an eternity to get to (this is me - beat around the bush Betty - after all!) - is to give you a little update considering I have been M.I.A (channelling my inner Kardashian like the massive saddo I am with that phrase) pretty much for the last 3months. Not that I am under the illusion that anybody cares what I've been up to, or noticed that I've been gone at all. (Apart from you mum, obviously #Number1Fan #MumsHaveToLoveWhatYouDo #PleaseBloggerBanMeFromUsingAnymoreHashtags!!) Don't worry kids, a scatty, silly blonde I may be but delusional, I am definitely not.

So, after 3months of a lot of hours, stress and far too much Essex for anyone's liking, I have come to the end of my third series of TOWIE. I barely had a second to breathe let alone chill and write a blog post, hence operation "Unwind and try to look a little more alive than a corpse" This very important operation would usually involve a good bath oil, candles, DIY manicure...this time however, as it also happened to be my birthday coming up, I was taken to Marrakech by my very lovely boyfriend. Yes, I am very lucky girl and no I will not be posting smug, "wish you were here pictures" to rub it in everyone's faces. Well, maybe just one then ;)...
... or three?

But before I attempted to eradicate pale as a ghost, bigger bags than Tescos Ellie, I had a wrap party to get to. Apologies for the shocking 'outfit picture', that would be the result of running late (standard) and being in a rush to eat a 3course Indian meal before the party. Yep, an Indian feast, whilst wearing a bodycon dress. Sometimes I genuinely believe I could make Helen Flanagan look intelligent. (Sorry Hels!)
Christmas is approaching, and I am already getting into the spirit - sitting by the fire with roasted chestnuts (Heaven!) chocolate celebrations (everyone loves a celebration right?) and Eggnog (So wrong but so right. Sorry not sorry) Basically, I have gone from being South East London's answer to Scrooge to a Christmas jumper wearing, Yankee Candle/any chest-nutty, cinnamon, vanillery scent candle burning, "It's cold, time to wack on Now Christmas Classics" girl. And I bloody love it!
Catch up wise, for the sake of your sanity I'll stop now. But to round this bad boy up, I am very excited about the thought of having more time to blog, stalk read other blogs, see family and friends, shop (let's face it, I always managed to squeeze that in anyway. 15minute lunch break? Selfridges is a 5 minute walk from TOWIE Towers, it would've been rude not too right?)...and basically just unwind. Oh, and try out the infinite amount of beauty products and fashion items that I purchased on my post-birthday shopping spree. See, wasn't joking about squeezing in shopping anyway was I? :) Well, it's my birthday and I can cry rape Space NK, Zara and Topshop (Primark, you tight arse) if I want to. ;)

Hope you enjoyed this post. As always thank you so much for reading. Oh, and congratulations if you got to this point of the post...My god do I love to waffle on so in my eyes, your all heroes! :)


REVIEW: Enrapture Totem Styler...Big hair don't care!

Now the title to this post, I have to admit, is ever so slightly misleading. You see, the product/tool/torture device that I'm reviewing today doesn't necessarily make my hair big as such (kind of defeated the point of your title then you tit!) but it does take my naturally flat but frizzy - oh yeah, god really done a number on me with those hair traits - to sleek, styled and all in all , more 'put together'.

The tool in question today, my little saviour taking me from Hagrid-esque hair to just about exceptable is the not so new, but definitely worth raving about, Enrapture totem curler. I've now had this little bad boy for nearly 3 years and should've written about it a long time ago. I am one of those girls possessing hair that despite being wavy/frizzy/lion-like/anything but sleek and poker straight/"curl you mother f**king son of a beeep", never manages to hold a curl. Ever. Which is why I am full blown, hair over heels (see what I did there? See, see? Lame!) in love with this curler as not only does it hold a curl extremely well, but I also get a choice of how tight/loose I want the curls. Dream tool!
The Enrapture Totem curler works by having 3 separate sections and three heat settings. Each section can be set to a heat setting of 1-3. 3 being the hottest, 1 being the coolest. The cooler the section, the looser the curl. And the award for brain of Britain goes to... My curl of choice (yes, I did just say 'curl of choice' and no, you're not the only one that thinks that I sounded like a massive tit in doing so!) is a loose wave all over the head. A lot of people love 1-2-2 setting for this, however 2-2-2 all over, and lightly brushed out creates the perfect curl...for me at least!

Much more acceptable than my usually Hagrid/dragged through a hedge backwards/Bob Marley esque hair examples of totem curled hair, below:
I think my favourite thing about this life saver (me, dramatic? never) is that it holds a curl for so long, that if you're a bit trampy, have drier than straw like hair, you are extremely lucky and don't have to wash your hair very often, the curl will definitely last you a good few days, loosening to a looser (state the obvious love) curl. I actually prefer to curl my hair the night before using the 2-2-2 setting and then I wake to to lovely big curls. A terrible morning/corpse like/whiter than a ghost face....but perfect curls. Take what you can get girls, take what you can get!

The Totem curler costs £39.99 in Boots (I paid £75 at the time three years ago. Totally worth it - even if the tight arse in me did just cry a little inside) you can find them in store and online. I've had these little bad boys for 3years and they still work as good as new. So without sounding like an over-exaggerating, superficial, dramatic twat...I would be absolutely lost without them. I am a poor excuse of a human being!

Hope you all enjoyed this post. Sorry for my outrageous absence of late - not that I am under the illusion that anybody misses me when I don't post, delusional is one quality I definitely do not possess - however due to working a minimum of 14-15hour days, on my days off and moments when I'm not working, I am either sleeping, watching youtube videos, stalking blogs and terrible TV and basically doing anything that isn't remotely productive. But hey, it's nearly the new year, I'm sure I'll set myself a resolution to stop being such a slob and that will obviously fix it all! ;)

As always, thanks so much for reading. And Happy November! (where the fuck hell has this year gone?...)


GIVEAWAY: £40 ASOS Voucher Giveaway. Yes please!

If you've read any of my posts before, you'll know that I'm a bit sarcastic, a bit of a piss-taker, a bit... un-serious (100% not a real word, 100% proof that I am indeed just a massive, inarticulate tit) basically, I joke a lot. One thing I always joke about but in all seriousness, genuinely mean, is that I never expect anyone to read my blog... bar my mum - It's a given thing that your mum has to love and think everything you do is amazing isn't it? Thank god for that! - and any other family members that might give me the sympathy view. Turns out, I was wrong! *Haaaalelujah* 


I was contacted recently by the lovely people over at Appliances Online who very generously offered me the chance to give you, my bloody lovely readers, the chance to win a £40 online ASOS voucher which is perfect as it also ties in with my (nearly) reaching 200 followers (which on a complete cheeky bitch cow side note, I'm one off of at the time of this post. Help a 'terrible at self-promotion' girl out and help get me there? No worries if not, I can always rope my dad, or brother, or some other relative in ;)) All you have to do is enter your email address and full name and you're in with a chance of winning.

The very simple rules:

  • The Prize will be given in GBP so you need to be able to use and order from the UK website if you're the lucky winner.
  • Leave me a comment in the comments section (not sure where else I thought you might be able to leave it? duh!) with your full name and email address so I can make sure you receive it.
  • The giveaway is running for 2weeks and ends on October 1st 2013 at 10am.
  • Following me on Twitter isn't a requirement, quite frankly I'd feel a bit of a self-obsessed tit if it was, but it will obviously help you keep up to date of when the giveaway ends, who the winner is etc. 

I'll be announcing the winner on October 1st, so if you do enter, BEST OF LUCK, and if you don't...you're bloody mental, who wouldn't want £40 ASOS vouchers?! :)

       AND THE WINNER IS...Ruth Gistelinck!!!!!
                    Congratulations Ruth, enjoy your vouchers!

Once again, a massive thank you to the lovely people at Appliances Online for such a generous offer!

I'll be following this post up with an ASOS wish list/lusting over...for a bit of inspiration/shopping porn/to make myself feel completely shit crap over all the lovely items that I wish I had, but probably won't get. What a nice person I am. - And because you can't gauge tone in text, that was of course complete sarcasm. That doesn't make me great, just very superficial. Rumbled! 

Hope you enjoyed this post (and gave yourself the chance to win a great prize) As always, thanks so much for reading!



If you'd have said to me when I first started writing this blog - or even at the start of this week - that I'd do a 25 facts about me post, I'd have said never in a million years. (Well, probably more like "what? you're having a bloody laugh ain't ya?!" but you see where I'm coming from) Anyway, fast forward a couple of full on "I've got my social life back and therefore am not even going to glance at a computer" weeks of not posting, and here I am, boring the life out of you, being a cop out, baring all. Well, really I'm just telling you a few useless, boring facts about me. Enjoy the rest of the post, bet you can't wait!

1) When I was younger I played football/soccer for the Millwall Lionesses for 7years. I was Captain (purely because I had the biggest mouth. I was much more of a cheer leader than a 'captain') I gave up when I was 16 after discovering make up, clothes and clubbing and haven't done a single second of exercise since!

2) I was a server at church when I was little. I was too scrawny to carry the cross and nearly set my hair alight when I carried the candle...so basically I was completely useless. Story of my life *cue the violins, again!*

3) On my first series of working on The X-Factor I 'played'/stood in for Kelly Rowland in our dress rehearsals. We did the whole walk on to the music (my personal fave part #loser #twat), introducing and commenting on the acts etc. and I 100% made the biggest tit of myself, in front of a lot of people, for 10 weeks in a row. And I mean a complete and utter tit! (...at least I can kind of say I played at Wembley, right?)

4) Once, whilst 'side of stage' at work, somebody kept playing the 'tap one shoulder, turn around and pretend it wasn't you who did it' game on me. It turned out to be Justin Bieber. Yep...awkwaaard!

5) Biggest surprise of this post - and probably the entire blog - I passed the 11+ exams and, wait for it...(add to the suspense, add to the suspense)...was predicted all A*'s and A's at school. Clearly my teachers got confused and mistook A for Absent!

6) The first Mac lipstick I ever bought was Mac Angel and it still remains my absolute favourite to this day.

7) The first job I ever had was on The X-Factor. I've never had another job that wasn't in TV.

8) I've read/watched beauty and fashion blogs/youtube channels for years after becoming obsessed with Laura - Lollipop26 at the time...oh the good old days - I am still just as obsessed with them now as I was then!

9) When it comes to films/TV programmes I am the least emotional person you will ever find. I have never cried at a film, Titanic? Nope. The Notebook? Nearly, but not quite. My Sister's Keeper? Still somehow managed to keep it in. I know what you're thinking...cold bitch!

10) The best boxset/series in the world is Prison Break. I am a little bit in love with Michael Schofield and I may have welled up a bit when he died!

11) I hate birthdays - well, my birthday anyway - I had my appendix out on my 15th and I think it scarred me for life. Literally...see what I did there, see what I did? Go on, you can say it...I'm a knob!

12) The thing that I miss most being coeliac is French stick. Oh, and doughnuts!

13) My favourite film growing up was Parent Trap. If only we knew what a fruitloop Lindsey Lohan was going to turn out to be.

14) I've painted my nails consistently for so long - literally since I was about 12 - I genuinely have no idea what my natural nails really look like.

15) My biggest teenage crush was Frank Lampard. I mean, crush doesn't even cut it, it was more of a mild obsession. *cue fatal attraction/bunny boiling theme tune*

16) I am the least fussiest eater you will ever come across. Barring the fact that I can't eat wheat or gluten I will pretty much eat EVERYTHING. The only foods I can't stand is liquorice and celery. Even the thought makes me gag a little bit!

17) My favourite nail polish is Essie Fiji - what a riveting fact for you - closely followed by Maybelline Mint For Life. I could go on forever, but I won't *praise the lorrrd* as, if you've got to this point in the post, you're doing amazingly well as it is!

18) I don't sleep on a pillow, I just lay completely flat, which always sets me up for some piss taking ribbing when I sleep at friends houses.

19) I've broken both of my elbows by, wait for it... - prepare yourself to crack up laughing and christen me the dumbest person in the world (if you haven't already) - ...running into a wall. There are no words!

20) Major major geek fact - can't quite believe I'm about to admit it - I love Harry Potter. Like, love. Like, I genuinely wished when I was younger that I went to Hogwarts!

21) I passed my driving test first time at 17. To this day I will never know how that happened)

22) I have the most gorgeous little godson called Harvey, who I am completely obsessed and in love with!

23) The most expensive thing I have ever bought is my Mulberry Tillie tote handbag. I treated myself after receiving a promotion, a year and a half ago, and my purse/bank account/heart are still in pain/shock now!

24) I used to watch Gossip Girl on catch up obsessively, literally just so I could perve on Blake Lively's hair, make up and clothes.

25) I am genuinely so grateful for every follower and lovely comment that I receive - most probably because I only ever expected this blog to be read by my Mum/people who have to read and like it - so I'd like to say a massive cliche'd, cheesy but completely genuine thank you to anyone that has read this post, and my blog in general. You da best! :)

Hope you enjoyed this post. As always, thanks so much for reading!


OOTD: That Zara Pyjama Playsuit

If "jumping on the bandwagon" was a GSCE, I'd have got an A*. A degree? a First. A driving test? smashed first time - OK, stop bragging you arse and get on with the post - but no, this is not me trying to 'big myself up'/make me feel like I'm actually good at something/over compensate for the lack of qualifications listed above in my own educational life (well, it probably is a little bit of that too) what I'm actually trying to get at is, if something's been hyped up across the blogosphere - 1) if anyone can say that word without feeling like a massive tit, please let me know? and 2) if anyone ever meets me in real life, please feel free to slap me in the face for using it! - then you can bet your bottom dollar I've caved and bought it too.

The item in question today? That pyjama-esque playsuit. First Vivianna rocked it, then I saw it on Suzi, shortly followed by a tonne of people all over the likes of lookbook, Instagram etc. and then, my hands slipped on the mouse, randomly ended up on the Zara website, accidentally hovered over and clicked the 'Add to bag' button and somehow managed to type my details out and bob's your uncle. Bought. Isn't it a bitch when that happens? ("No, you're the bitch" Screams my poor, increasingly dwindling, purse!)

Said Pyjama style playsuit. With a side of cheesy/vacant/standard 'awkwardly grabbing the barnet and staring at the floor' poses.

Recycling bins in the background. Classy as ever Elle, classy as ever!

...and when you're face is cramping up from fake smiling, you still don't like any of the pictures and are fucked off have had enough of passers by giving you funny looks....it's time to wack out the standard 'hair grab, look down pose'....

... voilah! *repeats over and over again* Must learn a new pose, must learn a new pose!

Bangwaon/"I look like a grandad" Playsuit: Zara
Worn 'em a million times boots: Ebay
Said Vacant "Not sure what to do so I'll just grab the barnet and stare at the floor pose: Models own

Now, I know Hugh Hefner/'Grandad chic' - can't quite believe I just put grandad and chic in the same sentence - isn't for everybody, and this playsuit especially is a bit of a love/hate item* but personally, I bloody love it - obviously knob head or you wouldn't be wearing it - and the fact that it's so unbelievably comfortable literally makes me not want to take it off. (#Tramp) It's basically a more socially acceptable version of a onesie (I don't care who you are, if you wear a onesie outside, you're a tit!)....so if you manage to pick this up in store or online - I got mine online, in the sale for £12.99, Charlie Sheen 'Winning' or what? - then I can't recommend it enough!

So, am I the only that caved to Blogger hype? Has anyone else given in and purchased this little bad boy too, what do you all think? I'd love to know!

*oh, and would anyone judge me for giving myself a pat on the back for using the love/hate term without making a reference to Marmite? If you do, judge away....

Hope you enjoyed this post guys. As always, thanks for reading!


REVIEW: You can take the girl out of TOWIE....Kiss Nail Wraps!

You can take the girl out of TOWIE, but you can't take the TOWIE out the girl. Or say so they say....well, I'm pretty sure whoever coined that phrase wasn't referring to someone not working on a TV show anymore but that's where I'm going with it so, what can you do? (Click on the X in the top right corner? Said every - slightly harsh - blogger bored of my rambly nonsense already!)

I was contacted recently to see whether I'd be interested in trying the 'Kiss nail wraps'. Now, as much as I should probably be more selective in what I receive - would I usually use it? would it be something I'd usually buy? - the beauty whore/hoarder/compulsive spender in me immediately says 'Yes' to emails like this when I first started receiving them. And you know what...I'm pretty glad I did. Would I have walked into Boots/Superdrug/Walmart (Apologies for trying to fit in with the cool Americans. I am not cool, or American, and therefore just sound like a complete and utter tit!) spotted these and wacked the Blingtastic, Essex-esque - nothing wrong with Essex, just saying ;)..., ever so slightly tacky - nail wraps in my basket? No! (Sh*t, she wasn't lying when she said she was blunt) Am I glad that I got the chance to wear them and try them out, though? Yes I bloody am. After all, everyone needs a bit of bling in their life. Onto the pictures...
Any photographers/photography experts/directors/anybody in the world with eye sight better than my own (that'll be 99% of the population then) will probably be insulted by the lack of quality/my own reflection/just about everything in this picture. I am too. It'll be my new years resolution to improve. We all know how well that's going to go then...
The Kiss nail wraps give you 18 strips so that you can chose the size that fits your nails best, which is obviously great as we don't all have the same shape nails, but - oh god, here goes the 'but' - maybe it's just the greedy bitch in me, but I just want more! I don't want 18. 18 means I get one wear and neeeaarly two. You're just teasing me Kiss you son of a bitch cheeky things!
In terms of application, they are ridiculously easy to use. Simply chose the size that fits each nail best, press them on and bend the remaining wrap back down behind the nail. Then take the nail file included in the set - nice touch Kiss, I am forever losing my nail files #LifeSavers #StillADickForUsingHashtagsInBlogposts - and file off the remainders. Piece of piss Nice and Simple. If someone with as fiddly fingers as me - definitely just made myself sound like a pervert. I'm not, FYI! - can apply these, then anyone, regardless of how clumsy they are, can!
Ta-dah! Despite feeling ever so slightly like Katie Price/something off of Big Fat Gypsy Weddings/Toddlers and Tiaras, as a one off...I actually pretty like them. They're a bit of fun, something to brighten up your day (literally) and just a change for your usual suspects! Kiss claim that they last up to 10 days, they actually lasted around 3 days on me before they started to get demolished peel off but as I said, for me they're only a novelty wear so that isn't a major concern. For those who want their fingers to look vajazzled long term (potentially the strangest sentence ever to have graced a blog post)...they might not be for you.

The Kiss nail wraps cost £5.99 and are available from Asda. 

And yes, that last sentence was extremely short and sweet for somebody who takes 3 paragraphs to say what each post is actually about. The truth (...the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Check me out getting all Judge Judy on you) being that I am actually recovering from an extremely 'heavy night' and for the life of cannot make a pun out of the 'Asda Price' slogan. Yes, I am a sad excuse for a human being. I hope you forgive me, or at least carry on reading my blog :)

If any of you have tried these out, or anything similar I'd love to hear/see your posts on what you think. Am I the only one embracing my inner chav? Talk to me!

Hope you enjoyed this post guys. As always, thanks for reading!


Vichy Idealia Life Serum Event - Better late than never!

When it comes to skincare, I could probably be likened to a bit of a slag, trollop, Katie Price, floozy. (Floozy? Is it possible to go to sleep a 20 year old girl and wake up an 80 year old granny?) Forever in search of 'the one' (excuse me whilst I'm sick in my mouth) I could literally chop and change on a day to day basis with my ridiculous skincare stash. However - yeah, it's not an 'Elle' blog post without a big fat contradiction change of tune, I've been so happy with my skin care routine of late that I'll never even sniff in the direction of another product again, let alone use or buy one.

What complete and utter bullshit rubbish!

Yes, whilst I am really happy with my current skincare, the product whore in me will never be satisfied, so when I was invited to a Vichy event recently by Hana, I lapped that s**t up and legged it over. (Literally, I was coming straight from work - you know that thing that I constantly blame for my lack of social life? Oh get over yourself you boring bitch - hence the sweaty, "I was in a rush, don't judge my face" appearance)

The event was held in Centrepoint tower on the top floor (erm...OK, being totally honest I can't remember which bloody floor it was on but I know it was riiight near the top, and very high up. Ladies and gents, I present you the biggest dumb arse of a blogger ever to exist. Ever!) And without sounding like a complete rambling ponce, the view, and just the venue in itself really were breath taking! (Yep, still feel like a complete tit using that phrase)
After entering the venue, having photo's taking by their own professional photographer (which by the way, if anyone knows how I can get hold of one, please let me know in the comments below) and having alcohol shoved in our hands - and then forced down my throat, obviously - we were left to wander around the venue where there were Vichy samples and testers of all their cult products, and newly released lines scattered around everywhere. Shite terribly taken picture evidence below....
Love these Dermablend starter kit's, it feels ever so slightly like having the Bobbi Brown university palette. Only the brand being totally different, the amount of concealers being less than 1/10 of Bobbi Brown's, oh...and the fact that I'm about as far away from a professionally make up artist as humanly possible. So nothing like the Bobbi Brown university palette at all then...
Vichy's new BB Cream. I'd heard so much about this (confessions of a sad, 'need to get a life' beauty tweets stalker!) and after chatting to some of the lovely Vichy ladies - we all know that means I've forgotten their names too, sorry ladies - I ended up being introduced to the lovely Julia who matched me up and sent a sample only a few days later. I've been using this ever since I received it and in short - of course I'll do a full review asap but of course asap in 'Ellie land' will probably be in a year's time. That was exaggeration Julia, it'll be up soon, promise! *turns off Keeping up with Kardashian's and starts writing* - I bloody love it!
The actual event in itself was the launch of Vichy's Idealia Life Serum, as well as re-promoting their other cult 'classics' (another phrase, sure to make you feel like an absolute tit!) We were lucky enough to receive a full size sample of the serum and so far, I only have good things to say. Despite the fact that I am about 4weeks late posting about the event (story of my life) I haven't used the serum consistently enough to judge whether it's actually making a difference to my skin yet (jesus, over use of the old italics today or what?!) But of course, once I've made my extremely thickle mind up, there will be a review to follow. (...probably in a year's time)
After many drinks, skin care chats and gossiping with lots of other bloggers (Tanya Burr also being one of them. Tanya Burr also being one that I didn't have the balls to go up and talk to!) the lovely Scarlett, Sophy, Hana and I headed off to another event in Shoreditch. As per usual I could quite easily waffle into 2015 (I'm doing really well with my 'try not to over-exaggerate' news year's resolution aren't I?) so I'll leave you with a couple of pictures instead. And a plug, check those girls blogs out because they're brilliant. Oh I do love a good plug!
"What an absolute dick" poses - on my part - are completely acceptable in a photo booth aren't they? Thank god for that!

And finally, because if there were pictures in a dictionary, I would be next to the word cliche, here's my 'snack' at The Diner, Carnaby Street. 
So, to round up an extremely long, rambly and picture heavy post (can I use "could bore the arse off a donkey" as my blogging 'USP'?) I just want to end by saying a massive to thank you to Vichy and Hana, for inviting me and putting on such an amazing event! I genuinely had a brilliant time, met some lovely people and discovered some fantastic new products. (And no, I didn't just challenge myself to squeeze as many adjectives into one sentence as humanly possible) 

If you went along to the Vichy event, have tried some of  their products etc. please feel free to let me know in the comments below, I'd love to know your thoughts! Oh, and links to any posts regarding these are so more than welcome. I love a good perve nose of your blogs :)

Hope you enjoyed this post girls (and boys, in the highly unlikely chance any boys will read my blog) As always, thanks so much for reading!


OOTD: Stripes and Skorts

The outfit featuring in today's post, you may have seen before. If you're meticulous/pay attention/have great eye sight - 100% doesn't apply to me - then you may have seen the outfit in this post before. If, however you're a bit inabservant/inattentive/have completely shite eye sight (ooh, I'm a poet and I didn't know it. Also a massive knob) then hopefully this will feel a bit new for you. A bit seasonal. A bit fresh. (Please, please - if you ever see me in real life - feel free to slap me in the face for using the word 'fresh')

Either way, what I'm basically saying is...I've worn it before. But you know what, sod it...I'm all for a bit of clothes recycling. If it's good enough for Kate Middleton, it's good enough for me!

P.S I am in no way comparing myself to the beautiful (in my dreams) classy (where's the nearest McDonalds?) Posh (I'm 100% one of the most common/cockney people you will ever meet) Kate Middleton.

P.P.S Don't judge me for the Maccy D's comment, you know it's the only thing that hits the spot when you're hungover!

Said 'recycled' outfit -
Minus 10points for the ridiculously creased shirt and 'skorts' Minus another 10points for the vacant, "hurry up and take the picture bitch!" smile. 
Clearly going for the "let's choose a blurry photo to phase out my face/stance/entire body" technique with this bad boy today! 
To the guys at work who discovered my blog recently and absolutely ribbed me for it, this one's for you. I can't wait to be the brunt of your piss taking banter. SarcasticBitch.com
Shirt: H&M
Skorts (write that word and tell me you don't feel like an absolute knob doing so? told you!): Zara
Shoes: Primark
Tan worthy of David Dickinson/Wotsit/Snooki status: courtesy of Utan Brazillian Bronze

Any TOWIE fans out there will know that our final episode aired last Wednesday. Any 'TV types' out there will know that an obligatory Wrap Party post is absolutely on it's way. So a warning in advance - the next post (well, the wrap party post anyway, typically I have at least 3 drafts that will probably go out before then) will contain a lot of posing (hello, I work on TOWIE after all). A lot of photo booth snaps (what's a wrap party without one) And a lot of very intoxicated people. (I have no excuse for that one) Don't say you weren't warned!

As always, hope you enjoyed this post. Thank you so much for reading :)


#LDNBloggersParty - Better late than never!

If there's two things in life I love - well, apart from shopping (standard) chocolate (who doesn't?) nando's (classy girl!) Ryan Gosling (now you're talking)....Ok, Ok, you get the jist - it's cocktails and gossiping with the girls. Which is why when an invite popped up on my email (not sure where else I thought it was going to pop up) from Scarlett inviting me to the #LDNBloggerParty I was straight in touch with the culprit of my social life death work, making sure I could have the day off. I'd say that was dedication. Some would probably say alcoholism/being a typical girly girl. I'll leave the verdict to you. Dedication 0 - 'Superficial-ness' 100!

It's quite a common misconception that if you're a "blogger", you must be a pretty confident person. I think it comes from the assumption that if you're "putting yourself out there" on the net, you must be pretty happy with your lot, basically. Well, let me just tell you that that may be the case for many other bloggers, but for me? not so much. Despite meeting up with a few bloggers for lunch beforehand that I'd spoken to over twitter, I was quite honesty shitting a brick petrified at the thought of going to my first event, and meeting people for the first time (in real life. well, not the 'cyber' world anyway) however like most things in life, I was wrong! *you know what time it is...wack those violins out!!*
I genuinely had such a lovely day, which started with lunch at The Diner with - if I forget anyone, I'm sorry girls. My memory is as good as Britney Spears' miming - Jess, Shay, Ellie, Emma, Annie, Becky and the lovely Hana (who I have been practically inseparable from since the event) Let's just be blunt and say it how it is, I'm shit when it comes to photographs. Taking them? I always forget. When I do take them? Blurry and out of focus (Watch your back Mario Testino, watch your back!) so why change the habit of a lifetime? This is my poor attempt at capturing steak, fried eggs and chips. Someone say fat bitch? FAT BITCH!...
Move over Popeye....love me some steak!

Before heading over to Dirty Martini in Hanover Square for the main event. Oh, and how can I forget, no day is complete without getting caught up in the Gay Pride parade is it? Nope, didn't think so!
Finally, we all made it to the event to be greeted by a shit load sea of bloggers. I met so many lovely girls - especially lovely meeting Laura who I 'know' from twitter and Jess who I discovered I had so much in common with including schools, mutual friends and a love Nars Sheer Glow - discovered so many great blogs and came away with a pretty lovely goodie bag. Can it get any better? Erm, maybe if you wack David Beckham in the mix. Or Paul Walker...you're not fussy love! Obligatory goodie bag shot/evidence that I am quite possibly the worst photographer ever to have graced the planet, below! Oh, and some pictures that I stole borrowed from Laura and Scarlett (...thanks for saving my 'terrible blogger' arse girls!)
...and on to the girls. And more importantly Laura's photo's. Clear, in focus, nice pictures on the blog. Well, there's a first time for everything isn't there ;)

After many Lychee Martini's - which if you haven't tried, you haven't lived - and much girlie chat, it finally came to end. *wipes away the tears, "I'm fine, I'm fine"*  With a little bit of time before we both had to make tracks, I headed off to & other stories with Hana (Hi, I'm Ellie, and I've become a massive cliche) and Topshop (would be rude not to really wouldn't it? Yep, I thought you'd think so too ;)) to have a little browse.

I could waffle on about how I then went on to Costa for a Frap, carried on shopping blah blah blah but in all honesty, if you're still awake and reading this now, you're a better person than me! Time to wrap this up, I had such a lovely time (if I had a pound for every time I've used the word lovely in this post, I'd never have to work again) met some amazing girls, basically...I bloody loved it! So thank you Scarlett for putting on such a brilliant event, if you ever put on another one, I promise I'll try to remember my camera, oh...and get business cards like everybody else had apart from me. Like I said, I'll try...

Hope you enjoyed this post guys, if any of you reading this went to the event yourself, I'd love to hear what you thought of it. Also, don't forget the links to any posts on the #LDNBloggersParty so I can perve stalk scout out all the bloggers I got to meet. As always, thanks so much for reading!

© the Elle next door

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