TRUSTING THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

Today is my wedding day.

Well, today was my wedding.

I mean, I didn't actually get married, but I was meant to.

LOL FFS I WIN THE AWARDS FOR BEING TERRIBLE AT EXPLAINING THINGS.

This is not a post I ever thought I would write for two reasons. The first being that I never thought I would be engaged and then not get married. But mostly because despite having written the odd couple of personal posts (only originally written for people to stop asking when I was getting married because lol, not getting married anymore, and the other 1 as a bit of a follow up because jesus christ I did not expect so many people to read the first and want to know how I was getting on), I am actually really not a personal blogger. Getting personal for everybody and anybody to see scares the shit out of me but this post I just felt a little bit compelled to write.

Because actually, this is not at all the sad post that you might originally think it is, it's actually the happiest, most positive and hopefully inspiring post I've ever written, because I, am the happiest, most positive that I've ever been.

I went from rock bottom, and the most hideous place in which I never thought I'd recover from, to 100% knowing that everything happens for a reason and that going through what I did was actually kinda the best thing to ever happen to me.
I always feel like, and say, that I've lived a pretty charmed life and I think that that mostly stems from the fact that I have the most incredible family in the world and because to me, family is everything, I can't help but feel like I've hit the jackpot. But life isn't that easy, it's not all pretty pink houses on Instagram (although lol if you follow mine you'll know that it is very much pretty pink houses on the surface!), it's not all lunches and brunches and the good parts that you see on a daily basis. I've lived what I call a charmed life but I've realistically, probably been through more than most.

At 15 I fell really ill. 

BRB while I search for the tiniest violin.

I missed pretty much the whole of Year 10 & 11 at school, bar a few weeks here and there, I spent most of the time in hospital, sleeping or screaming in pain (so, you know, that was fun) but what I remember the most from that time wasn't the sheer amount of pain, it was that I felt like that would be my life forever. I felt that instead of Oxford or Cambridge - lol that you're all like "bitch please" but actually this ditzy blonde possessed many brain cells back in the day - and being a lawyer or a doctor, my future path would only ever consist of hospital beds and ambulances. My life changed beyond measure when I fell ill at 15 but to this day I am beyond grateful that it happened. I mean, being ill af wasn't wonderful, but it changed my path and actually, it changed me.

When I was finally better, because I had no A-Levels/qualifications, I had to take a more creative than intellectual route and that's how I ended up in TV. I missed uni and I missed that degree next to my name but what I did have was determination and this sheer resolve to make something of my life because I felt like I'd been given a second chance. I wasn't lying in a hospital bed, I wasn't staring at a white wall wondering if this was it for me, I wasn't well, but I was well enough to make a go of something and jesus fucking christ I worked my significantly bigger now than it was then arse off to make it work out. I worked for free to begin with, and then I worked 18hr days, 6 days a week on some of the biggest shows being screamed at all day long (on minimum wage)... I worked hard and I did well and I also put any spare moment - which was minimal - into this blog and after years of plugging away I finally was able to go full time with it.

It wasn't the path that I was meant to go down. But my god I am so incredibly grateful and happy that it was the path that I did go down because this is my absolute dream job. It causes me more stress and tears and breakdowns than anyone would ever imagine but I am living a dream and I'm eternally grateful. I've met my best friends, I've travelled the world, I've had my face on a bloody billboard (LOL no YOU still can't believe it), I never thought I'd be grateful for years of agony but I am, because if that never happened, I would, 100%, not be living the life I'm living now. I would not have the drive and work ethic and passion for life and being the best that I could be like I do now... I probably wouldn't even be writing this blog. 
When my relationship broke down last year, I honestly felt like my life was over. I was the girl that always said that I'd "always be ok" after a breakup but lol nope, I was a mess. I mean, a mess that knew it was 100% the right thing, but still a mess. I never went into details back then and I still won't now, but I honestly just felt like I needed to write this post for all of the incredible girls that reached out to me 8 months ago (and ever since actually) to let you know that you were right. You all said I would be OK, and I am. Looking back approaching a year on, on what would've been my wedding day, is so f**king strange because not only am I a different person (in what I hope is the best possible way), but my outlook on life is completely different. I'm grateful for the 4 years with someone who was my best friend, I'm grateful that I've experienced love and actually, I'm grateful that I had my heart broken... because I know what I want and need in life now, and while I can't say I'll never let my heart break again (because life is too short to build barriers and protect myself, I would rather risk hurt and be myself and give my all without fear of rejection), I do know now that whatever happens, I can handle it. Actually much better and much quicker than I ever expected.

I did go through hell and back, but I am a stronger, happier, positive, (potentially sassier? *insert upside down emoji here*), more independent woman (no your now singing Beyonce) off of the back of it. I have the best friends that I speak to all day long now and those friendships blossomed off the back of that break up last year, I can travel and live and take every opportunity unapologetically without fear or jealousy.

Without sounding like an arrogant arsehole, I would like to think that I am more than just OK. The truth is, ever since my life changed last year, I have... thrived? It's something that everybody in my working life said to me but it's only something that I recently noticed. Maybe it's because nothing or nobody is holding me back. Maybe it's because I've been at rock bottom a few times in my life and I can appreciate the good. But I think mostly it's because I know that life is short, and every moment matters... so spend it with people that deserve your love and deserve your time. Travel, make friends, push yourself, work your arse off... live unapologetically knowing that no matter how bad things might be in that moment, everything always happens for a reason.

Photography by the amazing Ella / @ellahphotography

So yeah, this post was not really meant to be about a break up and it was most definitely not meant to be about my total sick note past, it is for everyone of you going through pain and feeling like there's no way out and you'll never be OK and life will never work itself out. Because it will.

Today was meant to be my wedding day. And I'm spending it with one of my best friends, eating, drinking and laughing until I cry. I couldn't think of a better way to spend it!

xx


31 comments

  1. OMG, you honestly look like you live the perfect Instagram life, I had no idea that you had health issues, and they changed the direction you thought you'd go down.
    Well I'm glad you managed to change a negative into a big fat positive. I love the honesty and raw emotion in this post. You inspire people daily with your posts and attitude. And for what it's worth, i too think everything happens for a reason. Have the best day with your friend x

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  2. You are such a fab person Elle. This post is so lovely, stunning photos and beautifully written. SO lovely to hear and see how happy you are now and that whilst it must have sucked balls at the time through the illness & the breakup looking on the positive side now is just ace. Keep thriving and being your sassy self xx

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  3. I absolutely loved reading this! I know you aren't a personal blogger but I've genuinely wondered for a long time how you are and this has made me smile so much. You really are thriving and it's SO amazing to see xx

    What I Know Now

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  4. You're a real inspiration Elle! Loved the post, it's beautifully written and your sassy style makes me chuckle every once in a while.Your drive, passion and determination are incredible and you've totally inspired me to pick up my pen (erm... Laptop I mean) and get back into writing.

    Have the best eating and drinking and laughing until you cry day today!

    Maya xx

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  5. You're a real inspiration Elle! Loved the post, it's beautifully written and your sassy style makes me chuckle every once in a while.Your drive, passion and determination are incredible and you've totally inspired me to pick up my pen (erm... Laptop I mean) and get back into writing.

    Have the best eating and drinking and laughing until you cry day today!

    Maya xx

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  6. First of all, these pictures are absolutely gorgeous and you look so beautiful (and happy!). Second of all, reading this post made me so happy for you! Sounds like you've gone through so much, but really come out better, stronger and happier on the other side. I hope you have the most wonderful day today filled with ALL the laughs with your bestie! xx

    Laura // Middle of Adventure

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  7. You're such a beautiful person, from the outside but also from the inside. What a story that was. You're so inspirational and seem like a such a good person via this blog. I hope you will spend this day with your loved ones. Thank you for sharing your story <3

    xx Essi

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  8. You are such an inspiration to me and I am so proud to call you my sister. Love you gorgeous. X

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  9. Wow I have just come across your profile by chance. What an amazing piece you have written. I had an engagement break down and like you felt the world was caving in. I lost my job and nearly my house all at the same time. It's strange I thank my ex for teaching me everything I didn't want and learning I deserved more and the right person gives you energy they don't take it. I ended up meeting the love of my life and we celebrated our five year wedding anniversary. I thank my lucky stars for the "everything happens for a reason" phrase as never was a truer word spoken.

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  10. Ellie I absolutely love everthing about this post!

    I can remember growing up and being in a very different type of pain (emotional anguish & torment caused by 5 years of bullying at High School) and crying myself to sleep on more than one occasion, thinking that that would be how life would always be for me. I'd love to say that that made me more reslient but in reality it didn't and it has taken until my thirties to start truely getting over it. But it was a period in my life that I wouldn't change because I would be who I am or where I am today without those experiences and tears.

    We (humans) are strong little creatures when you think about it aren't we?

    By the way I'm going to be singing 'the hills are alive, to the sound of music' all day now after reading this because these pictures are epic!!!

    Emma | HarmonyBlaze.co.uk

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  11. You're right ... there's always a reason ... at least one. it's important to know it and to move on. Learn from experiences to experience the best possible life day after day ;)

    (and nice outfit and pictures but in this post it's not the most important ;)

    https://4highheelsfans.wordpress.com/2017/08/17/tuscany-my-name-is-lucca/

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  12. This was very inspirational. In life we all have hard times, and I liked how you opened up about this because it shows that you're just keeping it real. Keep rocking girl and shine on!
    http://sugarcoatedbears.blogspot.com/

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  13. Love the honesty, positivity and happiness in this post! xx

    Beautylymin

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  14. Three things!
    1. I am so so happy that everything has worked out for you. I was definitely one of those people wondering how you've been, but equally, seeing your career flourish and your smile too, has been wonderful.
    2. These photos are beyond stunning. I feel like I always say it, but you're glowing!
    3. I feel like I've been on a similar journey to you, but I haven't quite reached the point you're at yet, where you're happy and realising what it's all been for. This post gives me hope that I'll get there <3
    Keep doing your thing, girl! x

    Martha Jane | www.marthajaneedwards.com

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  15. WOW! THIS IS REALLY PERFECT PHOTO SESSION!!! AWESOME!!!!!

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  16. This is such an inspirational post Elle and so personal to your life. I remember reading your break up post and it seems like you've come along way and are better for it. Raw emotion is so real and can be hard to share - thanks for sharing and I hope you and your friends are having a great day.
    Jaz xoxo
    http://www.thelifeofasocialbutterfly.co.uk

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  17. Thank you for this post. I was due to get married 13th May just gone and instead of that happening my delightful ex decided to tell me his girlfriend (the one he left me for) was moving in with him.

    And for a minute or two I was upset. I cried a few tears and huffed a few words about them both and then I looked at my daughter myself and my ex had created together in a time where there was very much love and happiness and I let those thoughts of sadness wash away.

    I believe sometimes you just need a big mess up that switches your life around and you need to be on your own to learn to love yourself again. I'm happy for you that you managed to see the light and yes 6 months on you are OK! Girl power and all that, welldone!

    I stumbled on your blog by chance and I'm glad I did xoxox

    Mel - www.lifewithmelly.co.uk

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  18. I absolutely loved reading this Elle. You're honestly incredible and I admire you so much! I am a big believer in that everything happens for a reason. I've had a bit of a shit time lately and think that these things always happen because they're teaching you something and making you stronger. Wonderfully written and those pictures are beautiful too. xx

    Jessie | allthingsbeautiful-x

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  19. Absolutely loved the honesty of this! 💗
    EVHXO EDIT

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  20. Wow, I have followed you for a while now and had no idea about any of this! Loved the more personal, honest post and it was really lovely and uplifting to read :) x
    http://www.cocoamay.co.uk/

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  21. GIRL THESE PICTURES YOU ABSOLUTE BEAUT <3 You really are thriving, you're doing amazingly well with your blog and it's so lovely to see and it's lovely to see pictures like these where you look so happy and carefree!
    Amy xx
    www.callmeamy.co.uk

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  22. Sounds like you're doing awesome and from a completely outsider's perspective it definitely seems like you're thriving girl! At the moment I feel like I'm at a bit of a crossroads and I'm sort of figuring out which path to take but you're really inspiring me to just go for the life I want and just live in the moments :)

    PS- while commenting I really had to resist the urge to say "You go girl" because I realised it makes me sound like a 40 year old dad trying to relate to his younger daughter...

    Julia // The Sunday Mode

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  23. This is so inspiring! I'm so glad that you're in a position in your life where you're actually happy and don't regret a single thing. The photos are stunning as well

    Elena Jackson.
    info@leggyleggy.com
    https://leggyleggy.com

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  24. Thanks to Dr.Unity for bringing back my husband and brought great joy to me and my family!
    I'm so excited my husband is back after he left me and our 3 kids for another woman!!
    After 12 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 .

    ReplyDelete
  25. Thanks to Dr.Unity for bringing back my husband and brought great joy to me and my family!
    I'm so excited my husband is back after he left me and our 3 kids for another woman!!
    After 12 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 .

    ReplyDelete
  26. Lovely inspirational post Elle. I can relate to what you've written so much. I have complex health problems and have been ill my whole life, but things only got bad at the age of 15. I had planned to go to medical school and train as a doctor, and that's all I could see my life becoming. So having to admit to myself that I would never be well enough for that was incredibly hard - I felt like my whole life had ended and that there was no point in me continuing any more. But gradually I have readjusted and gone on a completely different course. I started studying journalism at university (and am due to graduate next year - it's only taken me 11 years!) and started putting more energy into my blog and YouTube channel. It's completely different to being a doctor, but I'm loving it and finally it feels like I'm not settling for second best. If I wasn't ill, my life would be so different, but I don't think that's a bad thing any more. I have an amazing family and like you say, hitting rock bottom helps you to appreciate the little things in life. So now, I appreciate being able to go outside, feeling the sun on my face and having a cuddle with my pets. I'm so glad you feel like you are thriving - I hope life continues to excite you and brings you everything you've ever dreamed of :)

    Jenny xx

    www.jaffacat.co.uk

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  27. Girl you are the most beautiful soul I have ever met - both inside and out, I absolutely adore you! I can vouch for the fact that everything really does happen for a reason and I'm SO grateful that you started blogging and became one of my best friends. P.s you look absolutely STUNNING in these pictures, simply cannot cope!

    Hayley xo
    www.frockmeimfamous.com

    ReplyDelete
  28. How To Get Back With Your Ex, Get A Fast Love Spell, A Real Spell Caster To Be Trusted And To Help You Is Dr happy The Man God Has Sent To Help Us Hi ,my bf broke up last week , and I regret it cuz I’ve wasted all his love , we work on a same company together , and he’s ignoring me , I didn’t do anything after out break up , damn I hate my pride , and now I regret all the days I’ve wasted , I’m still texting him everyday , like once/day , like goodmorning.. take care.. or did u take ur lunch , later on I receive a message from him saying that please stop texting me , don’t pretend u care cuz I really don’t care, get ur own life , and I said I’m not pretending and this is how I really feel and I said I’m sorry , and he says stop it , it’s over ,what else should i do i really love this guy and i want to get back with him i have try every thing i could but it did not work out am heart broken and stress out coz this guy mean a lot to me. i pray and cry all day that he will fine a place in his heart to forgive me and come back to me. so i decided to look for help to see if i can get my bf back i try all means to the stage of applying for a love spell from different spell casters but no one could work out after sending money to them they keep telling me different stories, i was totally down about to give up coz i have spend so many money on him trying to see if i can get him back so i read and come across a page http://allwomenstalk.com/ with a wonderful testimony of a real spell caster call Dr happy i never believe coz i have try so many spell casters i said to my self let me give to the last try i email Dr happy urgently on happylovespell2@gmail.com explain my problem to him do what he ask of me even when i have to borrow up some money he ask i did and he give me reassurance that with 27 hours after the spell, my bf who left will come back for me , i still never believe i was doubting his judgement not knowing that he is the real man who god has sent to restored and bring back my bf. so as he promise, after the spell my bf reply back to my test messages, call me, and apology to me so the following day my bf come back home to me and since them we are living happily plz i will advise any one to contact Dr happy for a love spell to get ex back and save broken marriage, restored relationship problem so email him now at happylovespell2@gmail.com also call and add him up on whats-app +2348133873774

    ReplyDelete
  29. I'm so glad to hear that you're doing well! And it actually sounds like it was a great thing to happen to you in the end! I'm currently going through heartbreak *so dramatic* :') and I'm waiting to come out on the other side like you.. hopefully soon :') You look absolutely beautiful in these photos! :) xx

    ReplyDelete
  30. I live in UK. My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids, I felt like ending it all, i almost committed suicide because he left us with nothing, i was emotionally down all this while. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr. Ogbefi of solution spell cast which i met on-line. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I came across several of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and also spell to get a good paid job so on. He is amazing, i also come across one particular testimony, it was about a woman called Vera, she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped his email solutionoflovespelltemple@hotmail.com. After reading all these, I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48 hours, my husband came back to me. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than ever. Dr. Ogbefi you are a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster, Try him any time, he is the answer to your problems. you can contact him on solutionoflovespelltemple@hotmail.com, he is the best caster that can help you with your problems. And also Reach him on WhatsApp Number: +2349057915709 Thanks Dr Ogbefi solutionoflovespelltemple@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  31. I live in UK. My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids, I felt like ending it all, i almost committed suicide because he left us with nothing, i was emotionally down all this while. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr. Ogbefi of solution spell cast which i met on-line. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I came across several of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and also spell to get a good paid job so on. He is amazing, i also come across one particular testimony, it was about a woman called Vera, she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped his email solutionoflovespelltemple@hotmail.com. After reading all these, I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48 hours, my husband came back to me. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than ever. Dr. Ogbefi you are a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster, Try him any time, he is the answer to your problems. you can contact him on solutionoflovespelltemple@hotmail.com, he is the best caster that can help you with your problems. And also Reach him on WhatsApp Number: +2349057915709 Thanks Dr Ogbefi solutionoflovespelltemple@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for stopping by on my blog. I read and appreciate every single one of your comments so much!

xx

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